Today's Menu

- - -
Today's Menu: Six tiny cookies, 1/2 small bag of corn chips, 1/4 small bag of potato chips, 1 small bag of peanut M&Ms (old loves die hard), left-over 1/4 serving of Pad Thai; large slice of watermelon, one slice of multi-grain bread with peanut butter. Oh, I forgot breakfast: one fat-free peach yogurt.

Is that any way for a grown, intelligent woman to eat?

I did take the stairs 3 times, walk twice the distance of the Lloyd Center Mall, and ride my bike to the video store. After which I checked my emails and then watched a totally useless film followed by "America's Got Talent".

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see what's wrong with this picture.

Someone delivered a message to me recently. It was, "She's [me] got to loose weight." I thought, well, BINGO. That's how to hit the nail on the head. Why didn't I think of that? The next thing that came to mind was my grad school mantra, "Well, duh" -no offense to the sender, nor the deliverer of the message. I suppose it's got to be said by more than the wiser part of myself and the one that wears my clothes, looks at me in the mirror, and bathes my naked self (they're all screaming it).

In all fairness, I do believe that it doesn't help when people trying to be supportive say things like, "You're not fat" or "You look great." Perhaps if everyone I met reflected back the words that I say to myself it would get through to some part of me that would take control and steam those veggies, take me to the gym, and make me walk every day.

Inertia is not my friend right now. I'm in the second part of Newton's first law of motion (I paraphrase): an object in motion stays in motion unless acted upon by an outside force; likewise an object at rest remains at rest unless acted upon by an outside force.

The inertia of my sedentary and self-indulgent behavior; my reluctance to re-engage in the activity of being alive and vital has resulted in both physical and metaphysical baggage that I drag around with me because... well, I don't know "because" yet.

"Because" is the mystery. Yes, yes, I know HOW the weight got on and I remember deciding not to go dancing anymore. That's not the "because" I'm looking for. I want to know the because that stops me, the because that keeps me from doing what it takes to let go of the bags. Habitual baggage sucks.

What gets a person from understanding to action, from knowing to doing?
- - -